It's that day I realize I am a hot mess of fuzzy socks, stained shirts, dry shampoo and coffee. All those things I said I would 'never do' as a parent are drop kicking my humble ass.
The anxiety and pressure comes out of the shadows and points a menacing finger in my face...
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| This is my Mom Guilt word cloud, around all the things making me anxious and feeling inadequate. It was kind of like therapy to make this - and I almost felt I could start letting these expectations go once I wrote them down. Try making yours at tagxedo.com |
It comes to a halt when I'm scarfing down my gluten free waffles so I can feed a crying baby and my husband says 'I miss you'.... and after my defensiveness wears off I wonder if it's too late because I can't remember who I was before all this panic took me hostage. He says 'You used to be able to accept things when they were hard...' When did I let feelings of failure take the place of contentment. Simple things are wearing me down: messy floors, dirty dishes, crying baby, restless toddler, all those things I'm NOT doing because that's not real life right now. Real life looks a bit more like this....
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| Sometimes dinner is served a la big chillin |
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| So hard to put down a baby that is finally sleeping and looks to peaceful |
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| I like to think it's 'educational' if I leave the closed captions on |
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| Toddler buffet? I think so.... |
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| Getting ready with a toddler: another reason I wait til they are sleeping to get dressed for the day |
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| Initiate phase two of demolition mode |
Husband is right. I should be able to accept this stage of life. I can't be everything I want to be, but I can everything my family needs me to be. So I might be having a glass of wine with lunch, making frozen dinners and living in my PJs til noon.
I might not be a good mom, but I will be good enough.
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